Jul 23, 2019
Brian Mayer brings back his favorite guest – his wife Heather
Mayer. In today’s episode, they both talk through what are
some of the foundational pieces of the relationship that helps to
keep their bond strong. Take some of what you hear today and
work to implement these things into your own relationship.
Just because a past marriage didn’t work out, doesn’t meant that
the next one won’t work out. Listen to this episode with your
significant other so you can get the most out of what you are
hearing together. We hope you enjoy today’s message.
For more information and additional resources please visit our
website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- Ever heard the quote, “Insanity is doing the same thing
over and over again, and expecting different
results.” This one is often quoted to Albert
Einstein but apparently this is not true and some research on the
subject shows that it may have been attributed to Rita Mae Brown an
author who wrote this in her 1983 book called Sudden Death.
But that is not what is most important. It is the quote
itself. We can’t keep doing in our current relationships
what we did in our past relationships. “2+2” is
always going to equal “4.” In order to get “5” we have to
change one of the parts. If we don’t we will continue to get “4” as
- Let’s talk about a more positive thought or quote and that is
“If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night,
I’ll bet they’d live a lot differently” by Bill Watterson
(cartoonist who wrote “Calvin and Hobbes”). This might mean
different things to different people, but it could mean that we
have to get outside our current situation sometimes and look at the
relationship as a whole and spend more time thinking and
cultivating that than putting so much time in the “Argument du jour
(of the day).”
- Today Brian and Heather will talk about some ways that
they work and interact together, that helps them take
their eyes off of the tornado that might be presently surrounding
them and onto the calm waters of the type of relationship they
- Forgiveness is very important. This is
letting your partner off the hook and to stop punishing
them for something they have done. It doesn’t mean
you trust again or that you condone the behavior. Sometimes
you have to do this from afar if safety is an issue and abuse is
- Spending Time Together. In today’s busy
and crazy world, with long work hours, different schedules, kids,
and their activities this one can be difficult. Be
proactive when it comes to this one. If you both
belong to the gym and can coordinate working out together as an
example then do that. Or after the kids go to bed make it a
point to spend a bit of quality time together.
- Letting Things Go. This one can be a bit
like forgiveness but it more has to do with the individual
mental choice to move on from a situation. This can
really help to promote better good will, when you can remember a
situation that did not go well but you can’t remember the specifics
of what you talked about. Of course don’t sweep
things under the rug but also don’t hold
- Not Trying to Change The Other. If you
spend a lot of your time trying to change someone else you might be
waiting a long time. Sometimes it might never happen.
Spend most of your time reflecting on what you are doing
and how might you work on changing. Often this type
of thinking will have a positive impact on changing your partner
(sometimes not though).
- Dealing With Past Baggage. This one is
difficult because we often do not realize that we are reacting to
our current spouse because of something that was done in our past
relationship or childhood. The first step in doing
anything about this is recognizing it is happening and then
secondly working to disconnect from it. If you can’t
do this on your own then seeking help from a professional that can
certainly speed that process up.
- Spiritual Beliefs. In Heather and
Brian’s case, they have a strong Christian
faith. While not perfect they both will work
to grow closer to God and in doing so usually grow closer
to each other. Think about a
triangle with each of you at the different points
in the base and God at top as you grow closer to God you will
automatically grow close to each other.
- Prioritize Each Other’s Love Language.
The 5 Love Languages according to the book by Gary
Chapman are Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of
Service, Quality Time, and Gifts. For Brian, his
greatest love language is words of affirmation while Heather’s is
physical touch. They both work hard to make sure they are
loving the other in that love language.
Thanks For Listening!
- With so many things that take time in our lives, I more
grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.