Jul 30, 2019
Brian Mayer talks about a rather common issue of not fully being
emotionally past a divorce and past marriage even after you have
married currently. Grieving is a process and is difficult and
mostly impossible to stop or speed up. We will talk about
ways to cope with this issue to lessen the burden on you are you
current spouse. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For
more information and additional resources please visit our website
- When something painful happens we all must go through the
grieving process. For some it starts immediately and
progresses quickly. For others it stops and starts and feels
very slow. Unfortunately, it is complicated and there are
lots of factors at play when it comes to this issue. They
- How long ago did the divorce occur? This
one is pretty obvious but bears discussing that they less time
between divorce and remarriage the higher likelihood you will be
grieving in some way.
- Who initiated the divorce? Often if you
initiated it, it means you had more time to grieve even while still
married. If you were blindsided or somewhat unaware then the
process takes longer.
- How have you moved through significant troubling events
in the past? These can include death of loved ones,
legal troubles, serious health issues, or job loss just to name a
- Your age at time of divorce can also play a
role. Sometimes but not always if you are older and
have more life experiences the grieving process can move more
- How are the other parts of your life
operating? How you are doing financially, your
relationships with others, stress from raising kids, stress from a
job can all interrupt the grieving process.
- So then what are the stages of grieving?
Before we talk about this remember that the grieving process is not
linear meaning that you can bounce back and forth through the
stages. Usually though the more return to past stages, the
more it will hopefully speed up the next time through.
- Denial: I can’t or don’t believe this is
- Anger: Once the numb wears off this
emotion will usually flood in
- Bargaining: This is the stage where we
ask “what if questions.” What if I had been home more? What
if I had not been so angry all the time?
- Depression: After we realize there
either is nothing we could have done or that it doesn’t matter,
then sometimes great sadness sets in.
- Acceptance: At this stage, we can
sometimes feel we have accepted things and then slip back but
eventually this will take hold completely.
- So what can you do as you work through your
grieving of a past relationship even while married
- Don’t believe the myth that you can speed up
- Don’t believe the myth that there is a
- Know that you are not less of a human for not feeling
strong enough. All humans go through this
- If you feel comfortable discuss this with your current
spouse. If trust and commitment are strong with each
of you then it should be a good discussion.
- Talk to others who might be experiencing this
now or have in the past.
Thanks For Listening!
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.