Sep 24, 2019
Brian Mayer talks about what to do when you and your spouse are
not on the same page when it comes to spirituality and attending
church. It can be a difficult situation for sure, one that
can cause a divide in your relationship. We will talk about
this today including some ways to cope and a few things to try to
help you connect better in this area. We hope you enjoy
today’s message. For more information and additional
resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- When we talk about connection in a marriage relationship
especially in a subsequent marriage after divorce, there is no
better way to connect than through a spiritual bond. The
title of today’s episode is more about what to do when not
attending church together, which we will talk about. However,
often this is a sign that one of you may be a believer in a higher
power and one of you might not.
- A study at Harvard University suggested that couples that
attend church together have a reduced risk of divorce and still
another study at Brigham Young said that how often a couple attends
together also has an impact on divorce.
- However I have still seen studies that suggest the divorce rate
among professing Christians is the same as the population at
large. Nevertheless if we look at each way a couple connects
this should be looked as another important way a couple can choose
- My narrative is a tale of two stories. In my first
marriage, this was not something either of us entertained. I
walked away from the Christian church when I was 16, only to return
as my first marriage was crumbling at around the age of 28. I
remember asking my wife to attend church because I felt it was
necessary to help repair the damage in our marriage. She came
a few times, but I suppose for her it was too late. So as I
look at this it was not so much that I don’t think she wanted
church and God a part of her life, but just that she didn’t want it
- Fast forward to my second and current marriage, and attendance
at church and staying close to God and Jesus is extremely
important. Are we perfect of course not, but know there is
only one that is perfect and that is God the one in whom we put our
- All that being said you may find yourself in a marriage in
which the two of you are what the bible calls being unequally
yoked. Now let’s talk about this for a moment in terms of
dating versus being married.
- What the Bible Says When Dating: “Do not be yoked
together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and
wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have
with darkness.” 2 Corinthians 6:14
- What Does the Bible Say About Marriage: “To the rest I
say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an
unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not
divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever,
and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and
the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her
husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it
is, they are holy” 1 Corinthians 7:12-15
- So according to the Bible if you are dating an unbeliever then
you should really not stay together especially if the unbeliever
will not change. However, if you are married, the bible
encourages you to stay together
- So that being said, let’s talk about when you are married again
and your spouse is not a believer. What should you do?
- Pray first. I would encourage you to
always do this first
- Have a conversation about your partner’s
history of belief and or church attendance. You may learn of
a hurt or something else traumatic that may have
- Ask if you spouse will go at least 3 times and
to not make a decision about continuing until that time.
- At the second or third visit, notice if something
simple is needed at the church. For example maybe
the trash is full or seats need to be put up at the end of the
service. Ask your spouse if it would be okay to stick around
just a few minutes to help with this.
- Have a discussion non-defensively after each service
about what your spouse was experiencing. There may
be things your spouse doesn’t like and so maybe another church
might be appropriate or it could be the entire experience is not
your spouse’s liking.
- If you spouse makes the decision to not go, then it is
best that you keep going. Keep living out what God
has for you and quite possibly over time you might possibly be able
to pull them toward you.
- What if your spouse says I am not going because church
is full of a bunch of hypocrites. Maybe delicately
say, well they always have room for one more! We are all
hypocrites about many things in our lives.
- Ultimately, research on church attendance shows that people
feel more connected, experience less depression, have healthier
habits and less unhealthy habits. Of course we are not
promised by God that following Him will be easy and free of trials,
but knowing that He is with us and others who have the same values
are with us can make all the difference.
- Ultimately stay patient and lean on loving your spouse when
they still have a hard time wanting anything to do with church and
Thanks For Listening!
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.