Oct 1, 2019
Brian Mayer talks about focusing on the positives just for one
day. Being mindful that we can often tend to focus on what we
don’t like and is bothersome to us. The is some research that
suggests are brain is wired to focus on the negative so this is not
easy. We will talk about this along with some tips and things
you can do to focus on the positive. We
hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and
additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- Today’s message is simple, I am asking you to focus on
the positives in your spouse for just 24 hours. Why
just 24 hours? You don’t need to get overwhelmed and also
small things can eventually lead to big things so let’s start
- Brain research does tend to suggest that negative
experiences and thoughts often stick like glue while
positive experiences often fall away rather quickly. I mean
think about this in your own life. I can think of a quick
example when it comes to my couples counseling. I might have
25 sessions in a week and 24 of the couples are very happy with the
service, but 1 is not happy. What am I going to focus
on? Of course I am going to focus on the couple that was not
happy. If I am not careful I might beat myself up over this
by completely ignoring that I have 24 that were completely
- So what are some of the things you can be happy about in your
- Celebrating who they are and the things about
their personality that you love
- The actions they take that are different than
normal. Maybe your spouse usually leaves shoes in
the entry way but today put them in the closet.
- How about the actions they take that are always the
same. Often I will hear one partner state that I am
not going to thank him for something he SHOULD be doing.
Ouch!! Get that thought out of your head! My wife is
the cook in the family and always makes dinner. I make it a
point to try to thank her everytime for this even though she has
agreed this is her job.
- So what types of things should you do to focus on the
- Be mindful of where your thoughts are
going. Recognize negative thinking and replace it
with the positives.
- Verbally express appreciation for who your
spouse is and even something simple for their choice to be with you
and marry you.
- More verbal expression of thanks for an action they
took or maybe it was an action they did not take.
For example, maybe your spouse always does a girls night every
other Friday night, but decided she wanted to spend more time with
- Thank your spouse for getting up to go work in the
morning to support the family. Do this even if you
do the same thing and if you think you work harder!
- Put a simple note of how much you appreciate and love
your spouse in their lunch bag. Then think about
your partner receiving this later in the day and the smile that
could be on their face.
- If you have a smart phone, create a character of
yourself through something like an app called “Bitmoji” and send
them a happy text during the day.
- Thank them for the decision they made when you got married that
they promised they would be with you forever.
- Maybe things are tough right now between the two of you but
keep doing things like this and often you might see a turn in your
spouse and the relationship.
- If you want to give up, keep doing it for yourself knowing that
often you will reap what you sow.
Thanks For Listening!
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grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.