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The Remarried Life


Jan 14, 2020

Summary
Brian Mayer talks about what we have all been through and that’s dealing with an ex-spouse who runs a much different family dynamic or parenting style than you.  Usually the differences center around the relationship with the children, the rules like bedtimes, mealtimes, and homework.  We will talk today about how to deal with this situation in the best way possible.   We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • Once you get divorced, you know that part of your child’s life that is spent with the other parent is likely to be very different than the way they spend their life with you. 
  • Sometimes the differences revolve around relationship and rules balance.  You might think that you have a nice balance of making sure your child knows you love and care about them but that there are also rules and expectations. 
  • Often you might feel like the rules and relationships is out of balance with your ex-spouse.  For some reason and I don’t have any data to back this up, but often I hear from folks that they feel like the ex-spouse favors relationship over rules. 
  • Hearing things like bedtimes are whenever they want to be is a common refrain.  Or maybe eating habits at the other home is less healthy. How about the kids being to watch whatever they want whenever they want is another very common issue.  
  • So great now what to do you do.  I’ll give a few helpful tips but the very short of all of this is that there may not be much you can do that will be effective in changing anything that is going on at the other parents home. 
  • Of course if you believe you children are being abused verbally, physically, or sexually then by all means of course you have to report that and get your children to safety. 
  • But if this is not present then here are some things you can do but once again be surprised if things change but expect that they won’t. 
  • Here are some tips and these are assuming you are able to speak to your ex-spouse:
    • First explain that the issues you want to discuss are a result of wanting the best for the children you both share. 
    • Explain that consistency is the best way that both sides can have an easier time with the transition.
    • Politely, ask if your children have trouble adjusting when they go to your ex-spouse’s home.  You can advise that there is trouble adjusting.  If there is trouble adjusting then it could be an easier discussion into what could help since there is trouble on both ends. 
    • Politely, ask you ex-spouse if the child’s bedtimes could remain consistent across both households.  Of course if weekends are a part of the child’s time at one or the other’s home then of course there may be days where it is different. 
    • Watch your anger because no doubt it will crop up.  If you let your anger get the best of you, it will often negate the advances you are trying to make. 
    • Ask your ex-spouse what you might be able to change on your end to make things better. 
    • Remember that all requests made by you or your ex-spouse can either be responded to in one of three ways.  They can be met completely, met with a compromise, or not met at all.  So once again keep this in mind when you are asking for something
  • Most of all good luck because sometimes it might feel like you are trying hit a moving target. 

Resources:

  • None Mentioned

Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.