Jan 14, 2020
Brian Mayer talks about what we have all been through and that’s
dealing with an ex-spouse who runs a much different family dynamic
or parenting style than you. Usually the differences center
around the relationship with the children, the rules like bedtimes,
mealtimes, and homework. We will talk today about how to deal
with this situation in the best way possible. We hope
you enjoy today’s message. For more information and
additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- Once you get divorced, you know that part of your child’s life
that is spent with the other parent is likely to be very different
than the way they spend their life with you.
- Sometimes the differences revolve around relationship and rules
balance. You might think that you have a nice balance of
making sure your child knows you love and care about them but that
there are also rules and expectations.
- Often you might feel like the rules and relationships is out of
balance with your ex-spouse. For some reason and I don’t have
any data to back this up, but often I hear from folks that they
feel like the ex-spouse favors relationship over rules.
- Hearing things like bedtimes are whenever they want to be is a
common refrain. Or maybe eating habits at the other home is
less healthy. How about the kids being to watch whatever they want
whenever they want is another very common issue.
- So great now what to do you do. I’ll give a few helpful
tips but the very short of all of this is that there may not be
much you can do that will be effective in changing anything that is
going on at the other parents home.
- Of course if you believe you children are being abused
verbally, physically, or sexually then by all means of course you
have to report that and get your children to safety.
- But if this is not present then here are some things you can do
but once again be surprised if things change but expect that they
- Here are some tips and these are assuming you are able to speak
to your ex-spouse:
- First explain that the issues you want to discuss are a
result of wanting the best for the children you both
- Explain that consistency is the best way that
both sides can have an easier time with the transition.
- Politely, ask if your children have trouble adjusting
when they go to your ex-spouse’s home. You can
advise that there is trouble adjusting. If there is trouble
adjusting then it could be an easier discussion into what could
help since there is trouble on both ends.
- Politely, ask you ex-spouse if the child’s bedtimes
could remain consistent across both households. Of
course if weekends are a part of the child’s time at one or the
other’s home then of course there may be days where it is
- Watch your anger because no doubt it will crop
up. If you let your anger get the best of you, it will often
negate the advances you are trying to make.
- Ask your ex-spouse what you might be able to change on
your end to make things better.
- Remember that all requests made by you or your
ex-spouse can either be responded to in one of three
ways. They can be met completely, met with a
compromise, or not met at all. So once again keep this in
mind when you are asking for something
- Most of all good luck because sometimes it might feel
like you are trying hit a moving target.
Thanks For Listening!
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.