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The Remarried Life

Feb 18, 2020

  • We devote many episodes of this podcast to our own thinking, feeling, actions.  Why do we do this?  Because it is the only thing sometimes that we are able to control.
  • I mean think about your spouse, your biological children, and your stepchildren.  They all have different things going on, different things they have experienced during the day and are going to react often in ways that are completely different from one another. 
  • This honestly is so completely difficult to handle and change that often we end throwing our hands in the air, getting angry or even worse want to just throw in the towel completely. 
  • So you are probably wondering what I am saying here?  I am saying turn a blind eye to what is happening, don’t hold anyone to any consequences for their behavior.  No of course I am not saying that, but I am saying to watch for a few things in yourself. 
  • Because to circle back around again, we can only control the way we think, feel, and behave. 
  • Let’s talk about a few things you should focus on to help you change how you view what is going on in your blended family situation.
    • Get in touch with your mood to start with.  Have you had a tough day with others or at work?  Knowing and understanding where you are starting from can certainly help guide where you are entering into any given situation.
    • When you see a stepchild for example act or say something, think first what have they been dealing with today?
    • Then ask what have they been dealing with for a lifetime?
    • Next I want you to think about a defense mechanism called “Displacement.”  Displacement is this idea of taking out anger on something or someone we feel safer to do so.  Often anger unleashed on a stepparent for example by a stepchild is done because of the situation or someone else in their life that is upsetting.  For example the stepchild could be taking anger out on you because of the divorce of his own parents. 
    • Do you view kids as manipulators or as simply responding to the world around them in the only way they know how?  In order words do you believe at the core they are motivated to really sabotage you or again or they lashing out because of what situation they are in? 
  • The bottomline is this.  We need to take some breaths and pause before we react in anger at situations that may either drive as to want to figuratively fight our way in or may make us want to flee the situation and even maybe the relationship as a whole. 

This is a really simple and short episode today, but nevertheless a powerful one to think about to hopefully change how you feel about the situations with kids and your spouse that come up from time to time.