Apr 7, 2020
Brian Mayer offers support in this episode for stepparents
especially new ones. Becoming a stepparent might just be the
hardest role you will ever play in life. In many other areas
of life you might feel like you have some control but in the
stepparent role we often feel like we don’t have any. Today
is more about support and encourage than it is about a laundry list
of what you should and should not do. For more information
and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- Being a biological parent sometimes results from a plan and
sometimes not. I remember when I became a biological parent,
we had this thought that it might be nice to wait another 2-3 years
in order to be more financially stable. Well as you can
imagine it happened around the time we wanted to wait and so
definitely an example of not exactly choosing when to have a
- It is also interesting that becoming a biological parent is not
really regulated in any way by law. On the other hand,
becoming an adoptive parent means you have to go through lots of
red tape and lots of waiting. Doesn’t seem to make sense does
it. Would almost be nice if before having a biological child,
we went through some kind of background check or maybe even some
classes to help us prepare. But understandably that gets into
civil rights and other things which is a subject we won’t tackle
- So it might seem like I am tearing down being a biological
parent and that I am dismissing it as not being that hard.
Quite the contrary in that it is so hard being a biological parent,
but in my opinion I think it is much harder being a
stepparent. Why is that? Well let’s talk about
- The X reasons why being a stepparent is so hard:
- You are “stepping” into lives and situations that have
already been formed and formulated in a certain way.
Of course there have been changes, but
- You may not have the control you are used
to. Getting used to a new normal can be hard.
It has probably been a bit easier to get your own biological
children to listen to you because there is a bond and some trust
- Anger is probably a very common emotion that is present
in everyone in the family. No one likes the
situation they find themselves in when it comes to being in a
blended family. Often logical decision making is thrown out
the window when it comes to what is the right thing to
- You and your current spouse probably have different
ideas on how to parent. This is a complicated issue
one where all sorts of issues are at play. Things like the
relationship you have or don’t have with the kids, how you and your
partner parented in your previous relationship, and then something
parenting from a place of guilt for the bio parent and conversely
parenting from a place of a lack of love for the kids by the step
- It can take years for a stepfamily to gel together and
sometimes it never fully happens. This is why a
stepparent must have an immense amount of patience as the new
family dynamic and system unfolds.
- You will feel like an outsider. This is
because at some point you were an outsider and you have come into a
situation where again relationships have already been formed and
that can be a tough thing to break into.
- Ultimately it takes perseverance and patience for you as a
stepparent. Both of these concepts involve time.
Perseverance involves more action oriented nature and patience
involves just holding back a bit more. But both have their
place and are equally important as you walk through this new
Thanks For Listening!
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grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.