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The Remarried Life

May 12, 2020

Brian Mayer talks about how hard we try as stepparents to get it right.  But what is right?  Getting it right is often very subjective and so getting upset at ourselves is not the right approach.  Today we applaud your availability not your ability.  We hope you are inspired by today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at

Today's Goodies

  • We all know that perfection is not necessary in most walks of life.  I would even dare to say that it isn’t necessary in the medical field or in any of the sciences.  There are many reasons why perfection is not necessary and it probably mostly has to do with the fact that we are not perfect people. 
  • You might not know this but even the dictionary gives some wiggle room about perfection. Listen to all these defintions: 
    • the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.
    • a person or thing perceived as the embodiment of perfection.
    • the action or process of improving something until it is faultless or as faultless as possible.
  • So I mean come on even the dictionary which sometimes we think is the most perfect place to find the meanings of words can’t even say for sure that there such a thing as true perfection. 
  • I think a lot about life and our history and what can we say was ever perfect or even close. 
    • In 1894, Hugh Duffy had a batting average of .440.  This still stands today as the highest batting average ever.  What this average means is that he got a hit 44% of the time and made an out 56% of the time.  Very far from perfect! 
    • Thomas Edison failed over 1,000 times to get the light bulb right. 
    • Jeff Bezos the founder of Amazon had a multi billion dollar failure with a smart phone called the “Fire Phone.”  He later said that actually this failure led to the development of the highly successful Amazon Echo.  He said, “If the size of your failures isn’t growing, you’re not going to be inventing at a size that can actually move the needle.”   
  • So have I convinced you that perfection is not necessary or really even possible, now what?  Let’s talk about what you should be focused on instead especially as you shepherd your blended family. 
    • Your Availability is more important that your ability.  Just being there for your family is often more important than what you are doing.  If career is important, then you might need to get creative on ways to stay connected like utilizing the phone to make calls or Facetime to see your family when traveling.
    • Learn from Your Failures.  Try as best you can not to make the same mistake twice.  Of course as we have learned today, mistakes are somewhat subjective but again learn from things you don’t think you did right. 
    • Learn to Apologize. In my work with couples there is often one person in the relationship who has a tougher time apologizing for wrongs. Often I find that this person’s childhood was void of people apologizing.  Now if you are the one that does often apologize be careful not to be too upset when you aren’t hearing it from your partner.  Give them grace for not perfecting the art of the apology. 
    • You are Not Your Mistakes.  This one is cliché but just remember there is no stepparenting manual for goodness sakes.  You didn’t do something you would have liked but it does not define you. 
    • Tomorrow is a new Day.  Again another cliché so this is just a reminder.  You will have plenty of opportunities to work to get it right.  If you are in a spot where you start to do things better and differently, your partner may not fully believe this yet but I encourage you to keep at it.  Eventually your partner and kids will see you differently.   



Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.