May 12, 2020
Brian Mayer talks about how hard we try as stepparents to get it
right. But what is right? Getting it right is often
very subjective and so getting upset at ourselves is not the right
approach. Today we applaud your availability not your
ability. We hope you are inspired by today’s message.
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- We all know that perfection is not necessary in most
walks of life. I would even dare to say that it
isn’t necessary in the medical field or in any of the
sciences. There are many reasons why perfection is not
necessary and it probably mostly has to do with the fact that we
are not perfect people.
- You might not know this but even the dictionary gives some
wiggle room about perfection. Listen to all these
- the condition, state, or quality of being free or as
free as possible from all flaws or defects.
- a person or thing perceived as the embodiment
- the action or process of improving something until it is
faultless or as faultless as
- So I mean come on even the dictionary which sometimes we think
is the most perfect place to find the meanings of words can’t even
say for sure that there such a thing as true perfection.
- I think a lot about life and our history and what can we say
was ever perfect or even close.
- In 1894, Hugh Duffy had a batting average of
.440. This still stands today as the highest batting
average ever. What this average means is that he got a hit
44% of the time and made an out 56% of the time. Very
far from perfect!
- Thomas Edison failed over 1,000 times to get
the light bulb right.
- Jeff Bezos the founder of Amazon had a
multi billion dollar failure with a smart phone called the
“Fire Phone.” He later said that actually this failure led to
the development of the highly successful Amazon Echo. He
said, “If the size of your failures isn’t growing, you’re not going
to be inventing at a size that can actually move the needle.”
- So have I convinced you that perfection is not necessary or
really even possible, now what? Let’s talk about what you
should be focused on instead especially as you shepherd your
- Your Availability is more important that your
ability. Just being there for your family is often
more important than what you are doing. If career is
important, then you might need to get creative on ways to stay
connected like utilizing the phone to make calls or Facetime to see
your family when traveling.
- Learn from Your Failures. Try as best
you can not to make the same mistake twice. Of course as we
have learned today, mistakes are somewhat subjective but again
learn from things you don’t think you did right.
- Learn to Apologize. In my work with couples
there is often one person in the relationship who has a tougher
time apologizing for wrongs. Often I find that this person’s
childhood was void of people apologizing. Now if you are the
one that does often apologize be careful not to be too upset when
you aren’t hearing it from your partner. Give them grace for
not perfecting the art of the apology.
- You are Not Your Mistakes. This one is
cliché but just remember there is no stepparenting manual for
goodness sakes. You didn’t do something you would have liked
but it does not define you.
- Tomorrow is a new Day. Again another
cliché so this is just a reminder. You will have plenty of
opportunities to work to get it right. If you are in a spot
where you start to do things better and differently, your partner
may not fully believe this yet but I encourage you to keep at
it. Eventually your partner and kids will see you
Thanks For Listening!
- With so many things that take time in our lives, I more
grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.