Jun 23, 2020
Brian Mayer discusses how big decisions don’t need to be
complicated or difficult. Of course sometimes decisions
themselves may take some time to weigh out we will talk about 3
steps you should take during the process of making a big
decision. We hope you are inspired by today’s message.
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- The big decisions in your blended family journey don’t come
around everyday, but on occasion you might be faced with something
that is big and weighty.
- You might face a big job change that might
incur more travel or more hours at the office. You might face
a move that has to be made to another city because
of a job change. Or maybe there are changes in
custody or visitation because of a job or move
issue. Maybe you simply need to move to a new home
because your new blended family has outgrown the current
home. Whatever the change might be, it will
certainly come with a big decision.
- In my own life, I was faced with a couple of those big
decisions and one in particular came in the course of
being in a blended family (one came while I was single and in
between relationships). That big decision involved whether or
not to move from Florida to Virginia as a result of a job
- With that move, there were of course
options. We could have stayed in Florida and I could
have either looked to leave the company I was employed with or
maybe found another position within the company to stay. And
then the other option would be to remain with the company in that
same position and move.
- Ultimately after some back and forth between us as a
family and some actual changes within the company that had the new
job be a “go” then move to “frozen” to being a “go” again,
we went through a quick 3 step process that helped us feel better
about our decision.
- Before I talk through that 3 step process, we ultimately did
make the decision to move from Florida to Virginia. The main
decision revolved around feeling like their might be more
opportunities from a career standpoint and also there was more to
do that would be to our liking.
- So all this being said, let’s go through that 3 step process
that it took to get us closer to make the big decision:
- First, get on the same page with your
spouse. This may take awhile to talk through
feelings about each side, and the pros and cons of the
decision. For the most part don’t move to step 2 before being
united with each other. However, if you are feeling like your
discussions with each other are stalling then you might want to
move forward only to circle back around.
- Secondly, understand the bio and stepkids feelings
about each side of the decision. This means
understanding their feelings about the decision. Now, getting
this information does not mean that you will be making the decision
based solely on their wants, but that you are taking this into
consideration as a piece of the puzzle.
- Third, make the decision and communicate to the kids
and/or other family members. Again you may need to
go through several rounds of step 1 and 2 to get to the 3rd
step. I would definitely advise that both you and your spouse
have a family meeting of sorts to lay out the decision. Of
course make the kids feel heard and understood by letting them know
their opinions were important and valued. And you can say
that these were definitely weighed during the tough decision you
each as parents had to make.
- So these steps may not actually make the decision for
you, but again can be a guide to a smoother
path to making the best decision for you and your blended
- I like a quote attributed to U.S. President Theodore
Roosevelt, who said: “It is not the critic who counts; not
the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the
doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to
the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust
and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes
short again and again, because there is no effort without error and
shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who
knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in
a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of
high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails
while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those
cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
- So to me this means that I can’t get too hung up on all
the attitudes and moods of the people in my family, but
that sometimes I just have to keep making the best possible
decisions for my family with my spouse’s agreement of
Thanks For Listening!
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.