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The Remarried Life


Jun 23, 2020

Brian Mayer discusses how big decisions don’t need to be complicated or difficult.  Of course sometimes decisions themselves may take some time to weigh out we will talk about 3 steps you should take during the process of making a big decision.  We hope you are inspired by today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • The big decisions in your blended family journey don’t come around everyday, but on occasion you might be faced with something that is big and weighty. 
  • You might face a big job change that might incur more travel or more hours at the office.  You might face a move that has to be made to another city because of a job change.  Or maybe there are changes in custody or visitation because of a job or move issue.  Maybe you simply need to move to a new home because your new blended family has outgrown the current home.  Whatever the change might be, it will certainly come with a big decision. 
  • In my own life, I was faced with a couple of those big decisions and one in particular came in the course of being in a blended family (one came while I was single and in between relationships).  That big decision involved whether or not to move from Florida to Virginia as a result of a job transfer. 
  • With that move, there were of course options.  We could have stayed in Florida and I could have either looked to leave the company I was employed with or maybe found another position within the company to stay.  And then the other option would be to remain with the company in that same position and move. 
  • Ultimately after some back and forth between us as a family and some actual changes within the company that had the new job be a “go” then move to “frozen” to being a “go” again, we went through a quick 3 step process that helped us feel better about our decision. 
  • Before I talk through that 3 step process, we ultimately did make the decision to move from Florida to Virginia.  The main decision revolved around feeling like their might be more opportunities from a career standpoint and also there was more to do that would be to our liking. 
  • So all this being said, let’s go through that 3 step process that it took to get us closer to make the big decision:
    • First, get on the same page with your spouse.  This may take awhile to talk through feelings about each side, and the pros and cons of the decision.  For the most part don’t move to step 2 before being united with each other.  However, if you are feeling like your discussions with each other are stalling then you might want to move forward only to circle back around. 
    • Secondly, understand the bio and stepkids feelings about each side of the decision.  This means understanding their feelings about the decision.  Now, getting this information does not mean that you will be making the decision based solely on their wants, but that you are taking this into consideration as a piece of the puzzle. 
    • Third, make the decision and communicate to the kids and/or other family members.  Again you may need to go through several rounds of step 1 and 2 to get to the 3rd step.  I would definitely advise that both you and your spouse have a family meeting of sorts to lay out the decision.  Of course make the kids feel heard and understood by letting them know their opinions were important and valued.  And you can say that these were definitely weighed during the tough decision you each as parents had to make. 
  • So these steps may not actually make the decision for you, but again can be a guide to a smoother path to making the best decision for you and your blended family. 
  • I like a quote attributed to U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt, who said: “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
  • So to me this means that I can’t get too hung up on all the attitudes and moods of the people in my family, but that sometimes I just have to keep making the best possible decisions for my family with my spouse’s agreement of course. 

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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.