Sep 1, 2020
Brian Mayer talks about how in this emotionally charged time we
live in, how we can best handle differences in beliefs and feelings
on the COVID-19 pandemic that could affect our children. This
can be extremely difficult to work through especially if you both
have rigid beliefs about the best way to handle these issues.
We will talk today about this issue and give some practical help in
this area. We hope you are inspired by today’s message.
For more information and additional resources please visit our
website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- The current pandemic we are faced with has not been
easy for any of us. Most of us are very used to
having a lot of control in our lives and this time has certainly
shown us all that not having complete control is something that has
become a new normal.
- However, for us in blended families having to navigate
the coparenting differences that we all face should in some ways
have prepared us for this lack of control, because we have
faced this before.
- For example, differences in bedtimes, eating habits, or
differences in structure regarding homework time, play
time, and chore time are probably issues you have had to face with
- While these areas have probably not been easy to
handle, you may have some sense for how best to approach
knowing your ex-spouse and their current feelings and also just
their general personality.
- Hopefully through the differences you have not had to
resort to legal action due to a difference in opinion on
what you believe is a rather significant issue.
- It is certainly true that our culture appears to
completely be mirroring what often goes on in families
especially those that are blended and have to work together with
- Maybe you have lightly suggested problems in these
areas to your ex-spouse, maybe you have demanded changes,
or maybe you have avoided these issues altogether.
- Now to be fair, this COVID-19 pandemic to most of us is
extremely serious and often beliefs about life or death often come
into play when it comes to thoughts about this
virus. So it is no wonder that there are extremely
passionate opinions about how best to handle this issue on many
sides of the issue.
- Now all this being said, I prefer to take an approach
that would not be unlike any other approach with any other issue
that you and your ex-spouse face. However, knowing
that at the end of the day more might be needed depending on your
- Let’s talk now about some things to consider when it
comes to disagreements about the pandemic.
- First, where are each of you at in general regarding
the end of your previous relationship with each other? Is
there any anger, bitterness, or resentment present for either of
you? If it is in you then you might want to work to
not make decisions with this fueling your choices. If you
believe this is present in your ex-spouse you might want to calmly
point this out and ask to work to make logical choices.
- Understand each of your personalities. When you
were together, was one of you more preferred to stay at home and
the other preferred to get out? Is one of you more
introverted or extroverted? These differences will most
likely play a role in how you feel about being outside the
- Assess those in either of your families who might be
more prone to illness such as the elderly and those with immune
compromised systems. So for example maybe you are
the person who is more free in your attitude about where you go and
what you do with your kids. But it is important to take into
consideration that maybe an older ill parent lives with your
ex-spouse. In a case like this you might want to exercise
more care in what you do and where you go.
- Communicate with your ex-spouse.
Hopefully you are able to communicate with each other while keeping
the hot running emotions in check to some degree. Usually
when this happens there is more likelihood of a compromise or
desire to work together.
- Be willing to humble yourself and admit when your
attitudes and opinions can sometimes be extreme no matter
which side of the virus and/or mask debate you are on.
- Communicate that you really do want to create a win-win
for both families. If there were ever a time in the
history of our planet that we need cooperation and a feeling of
being united with each other it is certainly now. This
cooperation all starts with the family unit.
- Make sure to keep the kids opinions in mind and ask
them often what they are thinking and feeling about this issue
especially as they go back and forth to each home.
Obviously at the end of the day, you as parents should have the
final say but you want to keep dialogue with them open.
- As a final resort if you really feel strongly that
appropriate precautions are not being taken or conversely you feel
your freedoms to parent how you desire are not being heeded, then
certainly consult an attorney if you feel there is no other
- Use this time as a teaching moment to show your kids that in
spite of what we are dealing with in the world, that there can be
work to agreement or compromise with how to handle this pandemic
when it comes to the kids.
Thanks For Listening!
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.