Sep 15, 2020
Brian Mayer talks about the possibilities of staying friends with
your ex-spouse. And we don’t just mean friends, but can you
actually be friends and stay in each other’s lives as
friends. As with everything in the blended family universe
this is not simple. After all there are current spouse’s
feelings and what the kids may or may not thinking about this to
consider. We hope you are inspired by today’s
message. For more information and additional resources please
visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- As we know, marriages often times end with lots of anger and
sadness that may dissolve into bitterness and resentment until
hopeful those fade into some more neutral or even something more
- For some people it never gets there and we all know of stories
of people who are angered and bitter for years and even decades
over a divorce.
- However, there are some of us who from the start have an
amicable divorce and much more friendly feelings toward each other
after the divorce.
- And for others it may start out as anger, but may eventually go
into a more friendly feeling down the road.
- But what if it goes beyond just positive feelings into a
friendship in which each of you actively desire to stay in each
other’s lives by doing things together.
- As you can imagine while this can be such a great thing it is
also fraught with complications as you might suspect.
- Now what exactly is a friend? Well the dictionary defines
it as “a person whom one knows and with whom one had a bond of
mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family
- Now for me I take friends one step further in that it goes
beyond feelings. In that friends usually do things
together. So this means activities potentially away from or
maybe even including your current family dynamic.
- Now of course there is nothing inherently wrong with
maintaining a friendship with an ex-spouse where you remain in each
other’s lives beyond simply discussing finances or exchanging the
- There are some things to consider and that is what we will
- Are you maintaining a friendship from a place of
guilt? Did you do something to cause the demise of
the relationship and have trouble letting your partner completely
- Are you maintaining a friendship in hopes that maybe
something will reignite between the two of you?
- Do you have an ulterior motive like you want
to stay friends, because you think there is a better chance of
getting child support or buy-in about other decisions?
- If you and and your ex-spouse are not dating others,
what might happen if you do start dating? Would you end the
friendship or discuss with your new partner to help in the
- If you are dating someone else have you discussed the
friendship you still have with your ex-spouse?
- If you are planning to remarry, have you discussed this
and how it will work moving forward. What does you future
spouse think about this?
- Let’s say you are currently remarried and the anger
subsides toward your spouse and you both talk about a possible
friendship. What does your current spouse think about
- Have you talked to the kids especially if they are
older? The younger they are as you know the harder
it may be to completely understand and give feedback. So it
is possible younger children may be confused especially if you are
still doing things together as a family unit. This is not
wrong for them to be exposed, but just something to think
- If everyone is on board with this friendship, what are
the boundaries? Can you both do things alone?
Do the current partners/and or kids need to be
- Really think about how a friendship that has already
started will affect everyone involved.
- As you can tell, a lot of this is about communication.
Communicate, communicate, communicate! And slow down to
really take everyone’s feelings and thoughts on the matter into
Thanks For Listening!
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