Nov 17, 2020
Brian Mayer discusses how hurt, hate and wounds can create
division in a family and in a society. We will talk about
this and also some things we can do as individuals to help heal
past relationships, current family situations, and maybe help
society as a whole in the process. We hope you are inspired by
today’s message. For more information and additional
resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- With divorce and blending a new family, there often times comes
a lot of hurt, pain and upset over situations progressing in a way
that is counter to what we had hoped it could or can be.
- All sorts of emotions like sadness, fear, anger, shock just to
name a few can often overwhelm us and cause us to make decisions
and do things that often worsen the situation.
- As I have mentioned I dealt with a lot of fear over the unknown
when going through my divorce and that translated to a lot of anger
unfortunately. Often my words deepened the pain that we were all
- So wounds were obviously created by actions we both took but I
will take responsibility to say that I know that I played a large
role in probably widening the wounds.
- The good thing though about wounds is that they can heal. If we
think about the body, immediately after surgery the mechanisms of
the body will begin to heal itself. Things like swelling we
often think as bad, is actually a good thing because it is a sign
that the body is working to heal what has just happened to
- In the same way we can often do things like hide or close off
to protect ourselves from the pain of emotional hurt. Just like
swelling in the body, this is probably good for a time.
However, if it lingers for longer than necessary then it becomes an
- When pain and hurt linger for a long time (and what that time
is we don’t really know), it is time to start to deal with it to
- Obviously when pain and hurt involve two people it is so much
the better that they come together to work on healing together.
Unfortunately, in our society we are not seeing much of that right
now. Actions being taken in so many areas never seem to be
taken responsibility for to mend fences.
- We will talk about some simple things you can do today to help
mend something between you and maybe your ex-spouse, your current
spouse, or maybe a child that has caused an emotional
- How about simply say you are sorry for even a
small part of the issue. This is tough for some people especially
those that grew never having it modeled. Or sometimes it is
difficult because some people feel even worse about themselves when
they say this and so they will avoid it.
- Listen to the pain you may have caused.
- Have a LOVE conversation. I am not sure who
coined this phrase, but each letter represents something
important. Listen with an
Open Heart, Validate at least
some of the other person’s experience, and
Empathize with how they are feeling.
- Work on any anger, resentment and bitterness that has
developed within yourself. If you are a Christian, then
pray for it to be released by God. If you practice some other
form of religion where you believe in something outside of yourself
then certainly pray for it to be released.
- Ask for Forgiveness. This simply means you are
asking for the other person to stop holding the issue against you
with negative thoughts of their own. Now a caveat here, is
you may hear back that you are not forgiven and if that happens
this is now their burden to bear.
- Healing does take time, but it is possible. But in order to do
that we must stop doing what we have always done.
Thanks For Listening!
- With so many things that take time in our lives, I more
grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.