Jun 1, 2021
Brian Mayer is excited to take about 10 episodes of the podcast
to talk about communication. It is probably
the most talked about issue that couples have together that can
sometimes not work well. We will take some time to dive into
this topic to help give you better tools to work on and things to
consider to help communication between you and your spouse be more
effective and more loving. We hope you are inspired by
today’s message. For more information and additional
resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- Today in our 10 part episode we are going to talk about showing
interest. Showing interest is a lot like empathy but I suppose
without the focus on emotions.
- Showing interest doesn’t have to be a lengthy cumbersome
- For example if your partner comes home from work and says she
got a promotion, and you turn with bright eyes and say “Wow, how
awesome is that!” you literally just showed interest.
- John Gottman, well known couples researcher says that showing
interest is like what he refers to as “Turning Toward.” He says
that relationships are built on small moments like this.
- When opportunities for interest appear we can respond in one of
3 different ways (and maybe more).
- Turn Toward means to show a little bit of
interest as mentioned before.
- Turn Away means to basically ignore or have
- Turn Against means to actually get angry and
shut down whatever was brought up.
- Gottman says that we don’t have to be perfect when it comes to
Turning Toward. We are all human and will sometimes be off in our
game. His research shows that couples that report general
satisfaction will show some kind of interest 86% of the time.
So a high level is necessary but perfection is not
- Some helpful hints when it comes to Showing Interest
- Be proactive by looking for ways to show
- Make sure to incorporate positive tone and body
language to show your interest.
- Ask questions to show interest (be careful about
interrogating). Open ended questions are best such “would
you tell me more about that?”
- If you aren’t interested in something your partner is
saying, wait until you might find an angle that you can banter
about. For example my wife will often talk about issues at
her work. Often I have trouble knowing what to say, but when
the conversation turns to say leadership qualities that she wants
to work, well then I have found what I can feel comfortable talking
- What Do You Need from Me is a great question
to ask that shows interest.
- Touching when appropriate especially with your
partner can show interest, such as putting your hand on their
Thanks For Listening!
- With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more
grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.