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The Remarried Life


Jun 1, 2021

Brian Mayer is excited to take about 10 episodes of the podcast to talk about communication.  It is probably the most talked about issue that couples have together that can sometimes not work well.  We will take some time to dive into this topic to help give you better tools to work on and things to consider to help communication between you and your spouse be more effective and more loving.  We hope you are inspired by today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • Today in our 10 part episode we are going to talk about showing interest. Showing interest is a lot like empathy but I suppose without the focus on emotions. 
  • Showing interest doesn’t have to be a lengthy cumbersome project.
  • For example if your partner comes home from work and says she got a promotion, and you turn with bright eyes and say “Wow, how awesome is that!” you literally just showed interest. 
  • John Gottman, well known couples researcher says that showing interest is like what he refers to as “Turning Toward.” He says that relationships are built on small moments like this. 
  • When opportunities for interest appear we can respond in one of 3 different ways (and maybe more).   
    • Turn Toward means to show a little bit of interest as mentioned before.
    • Turn Away means to basically ignore or have disinterest
    • Turn Against means to actually get angry and shut down whatever was brought up.
  • Gottman says that we don’t have to be perfect when it comes to Turning Toward. We are all human and will sometimes be off in our game.  His research shows that couples that report general satisfaction will show some kind of interest 86% of the time.  So a high level is necessary but perfection is not necessary. 
  • Some helpful hints when it comes to Showing Interest
    • Be proactive by looking for ways to show interest
    • Make sure to incorporate positive tone and body language to show your interest.
    • Ask questions to show interest (be careful about interrogating). Open ended questions are best such “would you tell me more about that?”
    • If you aren’t interested in something your partner is saying, wait until you might find an angle that you can banter about. For example my wife will often talk about issues at her work.  Often I have trouble knowing what to say, but when the conversation turns to say leadership qualities that she wants to work, well then I have found what I can feel comfortable talking about. 
    • What Do You Need from Me is a great question to ask that shows interest.
    • Touching when appropriate especially with your partner can show interest, such as putting your hand on their shoulder, etc.

Resources:

  • None Mentioned

 

Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.