Jun 22, 2021
Brian Mayer is excited to take about 10 episodes of the podcast
to talk about communication. It is probably
the most talked about issue that couples have together that can
sometimes not work well. We will take some time to dive into
this topic to help give you better tools to work on and things to
consider to help communication between you and your spouse be more
effective and more loving. We hope you are inspired by
today’s message. For more information and additional
resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- Today we are talking about triggers. And before you think it is
a discussion about parts of a pistol let me assure you that is not
a topic we dive into on this podcast.
- We are talking about emotional triggers. Emotions can often
times get unleashed if something in the present moment happens to
us that our brain thinks is similar to something that has happened
in our past.
- Most of we can really get triggered when we have experienced
past traumas. What do we mean when we say traumas? These can
be things like physical abuse, emotional abuse or sexual
- They can be things like sudden and unexpectedly death of a
- A trauma can come from other types of violence or accidents as
- Traumas can also be the opposite of this as well. A trauma can
occur if we have been abandoned or neglected.
- A emotional trauma can happen if a romantic partner has an
- Another thing about traumas is that especially those that
center around violence or abuse can happen whether we experience it
ourselves or witness someone else experiencing it.
- Unfortunately all of these things can fire up our emotions
often when they are not necessary.
- For example, say we have been cheated on in our past. Well if
our spouse comes home late 15 minutes without letting you know
could stir up feelings of being abandoned. Often we might
unleash our unhappiness on someone who has done nothing
- Now of course can we say with 100% certainty that something
happening in the present is nothing like what happened in the past?
Of course not. But there is a higher likelihood that things
that have happened in our past may be coloring our belief in what
is happening in the present.
- Emotional triggers can obviously cause problems in our present
relationship if we are not careful. So what do we do about
- Here are some things to remember when dealing with emotional
- Take each situation in life as separate.
Realize that factors surrounding every situation are never
- Question your initial thoughts. Say to
yourself is there another possible reason for why this is
- Tell your partner about your past traumas.
Sometimes just getting it out to the person you love can
help. Putting things into the light makes it more difficult
than when issues stay in the dark.
- Seek counseling if the traumas from the past are
deep. Sometimes it may take awhile to work on these issues
by processing them with a professional.
- Is there a fear that is driving the issue? And
once you identify there may be a fear, then ask what is the
likelihood that what I fear will happen?
- Ask what is the worst thing that could happen if I left
this go? Will you die? Will you be homeless?
Will you have nothing to eat? Will you be alone? The
answer most likely to these very drastic questions will usually be
“No.” Unfortunately our brains usually take us to these
places when we get triggered.
- These are just a few ways that you can work to reduce the
impact that your past has had and that will make for less turmoil
and tension for you and your partner.
- Unltimately this can of course help your communication flow
more easily and gently.
- Stay tuned for more communication series episodes in the next
Thanks For Listening!
- With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more
grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.