Dec 12, 2017
Brian Mayer discusses healing from your prior marriage by fully
moving through the grieving process before entertaining a new
relationship. Everyone grieves differently and the timetable
is sometimes not known. However, when you can truly forgive
past hurts then you know you can move on. We hope you enjoy
today’s message. For more information and additional
resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- An interesting phenomenon is occurring on our roadways that
perplexes me. I will come to a red light and a car in the lane next
to me is a good 2-4 car lengths behind the car in front of
them. I’m not sure I fully understand this? If you have
any ideas let me know. However, it does make me think of
today’s topic about grief. How does this tie in? I’m
glad you asked. Stopping 2-4 car lengths behind is like not
wanting to face the reality that a relationship is broken and
ended. If we stay stuck in the denial phase of grief we will
not be able to move forward.
- Today’s episode is all the Grieving Process especially in
regard to our previous
- In her book called On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kubler Ross
introduced her 5 stages of grief. This was a result of her sitting
with many people who had lost a loved one to death.
- The 5 stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and
- Some people have added a 6th stage called Forgiveness.
- Stages of Grief Defined:
- Denial: The shock of the loss causes our brain
to shut down to reality. We go numb and in protection
mode. The analogy that best fits here is being given
anesthesia during surgery. When we wake up we don’t feel
anything. Here I discuss the loss of my mother to death and
my marriage to divorce.
- Anger: When denial wears off, anger
occurs. This is a flood of emotions. Underlying anger
could be a roller coaster of other emotions. Sadness, fear,
and even joy or happiness can sometimes appear. This is
likened to when then anesthesia or pain medications wear off during
- Bargaining: This is the stage that we might
question if there was something we could have done differently to
avoid the outcome. Even in death we might question whether we
could have encouraged the other person to eat better, stop smoking,
or you name it to have changed the situation.
- Depression: This sets in when we realize there
is nothing we could do to change the situation. When it comes
to a divorce in fact we may have done things to change to attempt
to attract our spouse back. However in the end we cannot
sustain these changes, because they are not who we are at the
core. Additionally, there is no guarantee they would even be
accepted by the other person.
- Acceptance: This is the final stage where we
begin to come out of the woods so to speak. The color returns
to the sky, we begin to hear the birds chirping again, and we start
to be able to see a future filled with hope and
- Forgiveness: Most people feel like not
everyone deserves forgiveness. I don’t believe this to be
true, but I believe that forgiveness should be given mostly to help
heal ourselves. I have heard it said that unforgiveness is
like taking a poison pill and hoping the other person dies. I
have also heard someone say, “Unforgiveness is like allowing
someone to live in your head rent free and they don’t even know
it.” Forgiveness lets ourselves off the hook just as much as
it does the other person.
- Final Thoughts
- Grieving is not linear meaning you may hop around these
- There is no perfect timetable for grieving. For some the
process may take a few months and for some it may take a few
- If you jump into a relationship without appropriately giving
space to grieve the previous relationship, then you will not heal.
The next relationship will suffer.
- A loss of relationship can shake faith in a Creator and faith
in the world. Our brain tends to believe that if we are good people
then nothing bad should happen. When it does we have a
difficult time comprehending. For me knowing that ultimately
God works all things for good sustains me during times of
Thanks For Listening!
- With so many things that take time in our lives, I more
grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
- If you liked this episode and believe that it would be
beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share
it using the social media buttons on this page.
- It would be extremely helpful, it you would consider leaving a
rating and review on Apple devices at iTunes
or on Android devices at Google
Play as it will help the podcast reach others who
need help in rebuilding life and relationships
Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people
just like you who get and give support. Please join today!