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The Remarried Life

Feb 20, 2018

Brian Mayer talks about the different types of intimacy between partners.  Each are important and must be cultivated for a relationship to feel safe ad secure.  Brian explains each and give lots of practical advice on how to grow each one.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at

Today's Goodies

  • Todays’s Episode is all about connecting with your partner in all the different forms of intimacy.  There are 5 that I want to talk about today. 
  • When most of us think about intimacy, we think about sexual intimacy.  To be true this is one type of intimacy and one of the dictionary definitions of intimacy involves sex.  However, the first couple of definitions you will find in a dictionary talk more about a close familiarity or friendship; closeness or another definition talks about a private cozy atmosphere.    
  • The 5 types of intimacy I want to talk about today are:  Emotional, Physical, Intellectual, Spiritual, and Experiential.  You may find others talk about Financial, Recreational, or Unconditional Intimacy, but we will focus on those first 5. 
  • The first type we will talk about is Emotional intimacy.  This happens when we feel safe and secure to be open up and be vulnerable.  It’s like opening up the drapes to your home to the outside world.  This can be sometimes a very scary place to be.  It is especially hard when there may have been a history of abuse or minimization of feelings.  Be patient here and slowly but surely continuing to create safe spaces for each of you to talk about deep issues will continue to strengthen the emotional intimacy. 
  • Physical intimacy is the next one.  As mentioned this is the most well known of the different kinds of intimacy.  Of course sex is the most well known piece of this.  It can also involve hand holding, cuddling, kissing, and massaging.  When this piece is off there could be a medical issue or it could be something else.  If one of the other type of intimacy is off, this one will suffer. 
  • Intellectual Intimacy is sharpening your brains together.  It could involve talking about the news.  It could be playing a board game especially a thought provoking one like chess or a card game that takes some thought process to work through.  It could involve reading a book together.  Again anything that connects you through thinking.   
  • Experiential Intimacy is another important type of intimacy between partners.  This involves simply spending time together.  Obviously limiting or eliminating distractions is key.  If you are always on call with your job or the kids, is there a way to turn this off for a time.  The key here is to be fully present with each other in the moment.  If you find you mind straying, return it back to the sights, sounds, and smells of your environment.  Comment on this with your partner to deepen connection. 
  • Spiritual Intimacy is the final piece to the puzzle.  This one might be the most important because you are getting outside of yourself to something higher.  Hopefully, you are connected to a church or other place of worship.  Go together and worship together.  There is nothing like the act of both humbling yourself to a greater power.  My wife and I choose to worship the God of the Bible and his son Jesus Christ.  When we are at church Sunday and I can peek over at my wife to see her eyes closed and that she is singing songs of praise there is certainly nothing like this that creates a closer bond.  In addition, the a more formal larger service looking for other couples with similar beliefs to connect to is also important and will strengthen your connection.          
  • Make sure to consistently take stock of each of these areas.  It is best to do this together and discuss where you can better.  Then make commitments to strengthen the areas that need strengthening. 
  • If you find that you have difficulty doing this together and need a third party, then seek out another couple you trust, maybe a pastor or even a therapist to help you both uncover the issues that lie between each of you.     



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As always remember that marriage is nothing something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.