Apr 17, 2018
Brian Mayer hosts the three part mini-series to help you develop
habits that can make the relationship with your significant other
more happy healthy. These habits are based on couples expert
Dr. John Gottman and his Sound Relationship House. There are
seven levels with each building on the other. In today’s
message, which is part 3 of the series we discuss Level 5 –
Managing Conflict, Level 6 – Make Life’s Dreams Come True, and
Level 7 – Create Shared Meaning. We hope you enjoy today’s
message. For more information and additional resources please
visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- Sound Relationship House Level 5 – Conflict
Management. Healthy relationships don’t avoid
conflict and sometimes they don’t resolve it. Healthy
relationships can manage conflict. Healthy couples are very
good at recognizing the negative cycles and escalation patterns
more so than the content of the issue.
- There are 2 types of issues for couples. Solvable
problems are generally easy to fix but represent only 30%
of the issues couples face. Perpetual
problems are those that involve differences in
personality, upbringing, and world view – they represent 70% of
couples issues and have no real solution.
- When couples become gridlocked they can no longer comfortable
talk about the issues. Couples need to get at the underlying
core issue in order to understand each other better.
- Keys to conflict management are to watch for harsh startups,
attempts to solve or give advice when not asked for, and viewing
the partner as the problem and not the problem as the
- Level 6 – Make Life’s Dreams Come True.
Each of you has a dream individually whether it is to be a better
parent, more healthy, or more successful at work, or more
spiritually connected. You each have an obligation to the
other person to do what you can to help those dreams become a
reality. Making life a win-win will help both partners.
If life is viewed as you win and I lose, then relationships will
- Level 7 – Create Shared Meaning. This is
the pinnacle of the relationship house and what I call the
attic. It can be hard to obtain but is possible. This
level is all about creating a legacy for future generations.
It occurs when partner works to maximize that person’s interests
and not just their own. It is knowing that I have my
partner’s back and they have mine. The level is nourished and
made possible by showing gratitude and comparing your partner
favorably to others.
Thanks For Listening!
- With so many things that take time in our lives, I more
grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
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As always remember that marriage is nothing something you have,
it is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.