May 8, 2018
Brian Mayer discusses stress and lots of things going on in our
lives can get in the way of working on an issue in the
present. When we are stressed, our mind often goes into the
past where guilt lies or it leaps into the future where anxiety and
worry reside. In part 1, Brian introduces mindfulness and how
it can help you concentrate on the things most important right in
front of you. For more information and additional
resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- In today’s session, we start a 3 part mini-series on
Mindfulness. In part 1 we will talk about what it is and why
it is important. Then our next episode which is Session 41 we
will be devoted to an individual mindfulness exercise that you can
do to help reduce stress and feel more relaxed In the final
part of the mini-series, session 42 will be devoted to a couples
mindfulness exercise that you can do together that will help
strengthen your connection. You can listen to these episodes
anytime you need to increase focus and attention on the present
- Our minds are constantly moving and thinking about all sorts of
things even things we don’t realize. Did you know that many
researchers say that we have somewhere between 50,000 to 70,000
thoughts per day. This means we might have different thought
every 30 to 45 seconds.
- Because our minds are like computers it can be both a positive
and a negative. It can mean we can multi-task but it can also
mean we get bogged down in feeling stuck. This becomes
problematic when we are engaged in conversations that get heated
with our children or our spouse.
- There are two major theories on how to treat our unwanted
thoughts. We can either work hard to stop
them or we can simply notice them and let them pass by.
Mindfulness is all about the latter in that
it is all about seeing the thoughts and letting them float
- We often subconsciously believe that our thoughts must be our
reality or that they are the truth. For example, my current
spouse is doing similar things that my ex-spouse did therefore he
or she must be having an affair. Or my son is not telling me
all I need to know therefore he must be hiding something.
- Of course don’t dismiss facts that you see in life or overlook
things, but remember to constantly be checking in to your
thoughts. Are these thoughts rooted in reality or did they
occur because I am stressed, we are not communicating, it reminds
me of something that happened in the past, it makes me worry about
our lives moving forward, a close friend just passed away, and on
and on it goes.
- Mindfulness while it has Eastern Buddhist roots has been
adapted to a more Western cultural fit. Mindfulness
is simply recognizing our thoughts like clouds in the
sky. They are separate and apart from us and most
times not our reality. We can see them floating by and we can
make the decision of whether or not we want to engage with
- If I am a Christian, does mindfulness mean I am praying to some
other God? You can practice mindfulness, but focus on your
thoughts and letting them float by or you can see your thoughts and
distractions as they float by and then choose to return your focus
- Does Mindfulness mean I stop praying. The answer to this
is also No. You should use prayer as the number one method
for communication with God. Mindfulness is simply a
supplemental technique that can help you recognize when your
thoughts are whisking you away to an unhelpful place.
- The problem with our thoughts is that they often drive how we
feel. When we are tossed to and fro by our
thoughts, a whole host of feelings like fear, worry, upset, anger,
loneliness, and others can bubble up.
- Mindfulness can also help you in your conversations with your
kids, your stepchildren, your spouse, your ex-spouse, your
ex-spouse’s spouse, your friends, your colleagues, and your
- In the next couple of episodes we will practice some
mindfulness exercises and I can almost guarantee that you will come
through more relaxed and at peace. If you practice them with
regularity, you will begin to be able to more quickly release a
thought that you begin to feel carried away by. This can
result in more joy, peace, and content.
- Get ready for the next 2 episodes to be used again and again
when you feel stressed or need a time-out from a difficult
conversation with a family member.
Thanks For Listening!
- With so many things that take time in our lives, I more
grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
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As always remember that marriage is nothing something you have,
it is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.