Aug 7, 2018
Brian Mayer talks about our desire to get remarried and replace
what we lost or never had from our first marriage. Sometimes
things seem right and we move forward and sometimes things don’t
feel so right yet we still move forward anyway. Today we will
discuss some of the signals and signs that might be showing you
that now is not the time to dive into a remarriage. For more
information and additional resources please visit our website at
- For those of us that have gotten remarried, most of the time
the dating period is much shorter than in our first marriage.
There are lots of reasons for this. Sometimes it is a result
of being more mature, knowing we what we want, knowing what works
and what doesn’t. However sometimes we shorten the dating
period to marriage and living together for the wrong
- Did you know that a study out of Emory University that tracked
over 3,000 couples found that those who dated for 3 years or more
were almost 40% less likely to divorce that those who dated less
than a year. Those that at least dated for 2 years were 20%
less likely to divorce than those at less than a year.
- So this research suggests that in general it is good to
wait. However we should look beyond the timeframe and look at
more concrete examples of some warnings signs that you should think
about when it comes to get remarried and blending your family with
- Let’s talk about some of the warning signs.
- Are you trying to get rid of loneliness.
If so, then you are trying to replace something that is internally
broken with something external like a spouse or a
- Do you feel pressure from family, friends, or even
society that you should be married. Do you
desire to get remarried because you feel like people look down on
you for being single?
- Are you still in the limerence phase in your
relationship with your new partner. The dictionary definition
of limerence is “the state of being infatuated with another person
usually involuntarily.” You may have heard of 3 stages of
feelings for a romantic partner – love, lust, and limerence.
You should be honest with yourself and if you have not reached the
more deep love stage then you could be living an
- Is a financial decision to bring together
households together to lessen the burden on one or both of
you driving your decision. Of course this can be a piece of
why you want to get remarried but you should not let this be a
- Are you thinking that if you get remarried that some
habit that your partner has will change? Does your
partner work more than you would like? Does your partner
drink too much? Often assuming that if you get married, it
will automatically change your partner is setting you and the
relationship up for failure.
- Are you spiritually on the same page?
For those of us that believe we will spend an eternity in heaven,
this might be the most important issue of them all. If you
disagree on this issue then it will potentially pervade many areas
of your life. Typically for those of us that are strong in
the Christian faith, we know that there is only one way to heaven
and that is through Jesus Christ. Therefore if your partner
does not believe the same, it is going to create surface arguments
as well as deep rooted differences in values to be at play as
- You want your children to have another parent in the
home. While this is probably healthier if it is all
working appropriately to have two parents in the home, if you are
simply trying to replace something then once again you may be
setting yourself and your children up for failure. This piece
takes time and patience to make sure everything is in order.
- Just remember to be patient and let some time and diligent work
on your part help you to work some of these issues first. If
you can work through these issues and some others that you may have
realized through listening today, then the likelihood of your next
marriage working better will increase!
Thanks For Listening!
- With so many things that take time in our lives, I more
grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
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As always remember that marriage is nothing something you have,
it is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.