Sep 4, 2018
Brian Mayer talks about those days and times in a relationship
where things pivot and take a turn for the worse or for the
better. Rarely does a pivot happen that does not
significantly alter the course of the relationship. Pivots
can be things that happen from internal forces or external
events. The internal pivots often early in the relationship
can happen with little thought or effort but later in life they may
take more effort. Whatever the reason though pivot points are
important. We hope you enjoy today’s episode. For more
information and additional resources please visit our website at
- The dictionary defines a pivot as something of “crucial
importance in relation to the development or success of something
- Did you know that Facebook used to be called Facemash and it
was nothing like the social media platform it is today. It
used to be a site that would put two pictures of people together
asking which was more attractive. Talk about the right
- Starbucks up until the early 1980’s sold espresso machines and
beans. A trip to Italy by the founder had him inspired by the
coffee shops there and now we know it as the most famous coffee
shop in the world.
- Michael Jordan constantly used feeling slighted as fuel to
pivot to frequently greater heights. The best example of this
with him occurred when he got cut from his high school basketball
team and then went on the win a National Championship in basketball
at the University of North Carolina.
- So what about the pivot points in a relationship that change
the trajectory of where you are headed as a couple. There are
lots of them including:
- Your first meeting
- Your first kiss
- Saying I love You for the First Time
- Meeting Families
- Taking a Trip
- Staying Over For the Night
- Getting Engaged
- Getting Married
- Having Your First Child
- Having Each Additional Child
- A Financial Windfall or Calamity
- A Health Scare
- An Affair
- A Major Conflict
- A job loss
- Loss of a Child
- Think about the pivotal moments in your relationship.
Then think about in the moment which way you felt your relationship
moving. Then finally think about as you look back and have
more space from the moment even those that seem negative, did they
ultimately damage your relationship or ultimately strengthen
- For me and my wife Heather with have had lots of pivotal
moments in our relationship. There are a couple that really
stand out to me that in the moment felt negative and felt like a
tidal wave might wash us under.
- Heather’s cancer scare while we were dating and what we did
- Disagreements about parenting and what we did about
- As I look back on my relationship with my wife it is those
moments that ultimately strengthened our marriage and we both can
look back and almost glorify the struggle if you will. We can
often say wow look what we have come through. With these
moments we gain confidence to say that there is almost nothing that
we can’t make it through now.
- As we wrap up, I would encourage you and your partner whether
you have been together for a few months or a few years, to think
back to some of these pivotal moments and ask some of these
questions of each other focusing on your own experience through the
- What was that pivotal moment?
- How did you feel as you were going through it? Angry,
sad, lonely, excited, happy, overjoyed, fearful etc
- What were the things that you or your partner did that
- What things happened that did not help?
- As you look back if you have some distance, did it strengthen
you and prepare for the pivotal moments to come?
- Hope you enjoyed today’s message.
Thanks For Listening!
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As always remember that marriage is nothing something you have,
it is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.