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The Remarried Life

Sep 4, 2018

Brian Mayer talks about those days and times in a relationship where things pivot and take a turn for the worse or for the better.  Rarely does a pivot happen that does not significantly alter the course of the relationship.  Pivots can be things that happen from internal forces or external events.  The internal pivots often early in the relationship can happen with little thought or effort but later in life they may take more effort.  Whatever the reason though pivot points are important.  We hope you enjoy today’s episode.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at

Today's Goodies

  • The dictionary defines a pivot as something of “crucial importance in relation to the development or success of something else.” 
  • Did you know that Facebook used to be called Facemash and it was nothing like the social media platform it is today.  It used to be a site that would put two pictures of people together asking which was more attractive.  Talk about the right pivot!
  • Starbucks up until the early 1980’s sold espresso machines and beans.  A trip to Italy by the founder had him inspired by the coffee shops there and now we know it as the most famous coffee shop in the world. 
  • Michael Jordan constantly used feeling slighted as fuel to pivot to frequently greater heights.  The best example of this with him occurred when he got cut from his high school basketball team and then went on the win a National Championship in basketball at the University of North Carolina.     
  • So what about the pivot points in a relationship that change the trajectory of where you are headed as a couple.  There are lots of them including:
    • Your first meeting
    • Your first kiss
    • Saying I love You for the First Time
    • Meeting Families
    • Taking a Trip
    • Staying Over For the Night
    • Getting Engaged
    • Getting Married
    • Having Your First Child
    • Having Each Additional Child
    • A Financial Windfall or Calamity
    • A Health Scare
    • An Affair
    • A Major Conflict
    • A job loss
    • Loss of a Child
  • Think about the pivotal moments in your relationship.  Then think about in the moment which way you felt your relationship moving.  Then finally think about as you look back and have more space from the moment even those that seem negative, did they ultimately damage your relationship or ultimately strengthen it. 
  • For me and my wife Heather with have had lots of pivotal moments in our relationship.  There are a couple that really stand out to me that in the moment felt negative and felt like a tidal wave might wash us under. 
    • Heather’s cancer scare while we were dating and what we did about it
    • Disagreements about parenting and what we did about it 
  • As I look back on my relationship with my wife it is those moments that ultimately strengthened our marriage and we both can look back and almost glorify the struggle if you will.  We can often say wow look what we have come through.  With these moments we gain confidence to say that there is almost nothing that we can’t make it through now.    
  • As we wrap up, I would encourage you and your partner whether you have been together for a few months or a few years, to think back to some of these pivotal moments and ask some of these questions of each other focusing on your own experience through the issue. 
    • What was that pivotal moment?
    • How did you feel as you were going through it?  Angry, sad, lonely, excited, happy, overjoyed, fearful etc
    • What were the things that you or your partner did that helped?
    • What things happened that did not help?
    • As you look back if you have some distance, did it strengthen you and prepare for the pivotal moments to come? 
  • Hope you enjoyed today’s message. 


  • None Mentioned Today

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As always remember that marriage is nothing something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.