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The Remarried Life

Sep 25, 2018

Brian Mayer talks about how important physical fitness is to your body and mind when dealing with divorce and also remarriage.  We hope you enjoy today’s episode.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at

Today's Goodies

  • Let’s talk about my story for just a minute.  My divorce happened almost 20 years ago.  It was around that time that I realized I needed an outlet for my anger, bitterness, frustration, and resentment.  I turned to all sorts of things for comfort.  Other people, other relationships, television and movies, and sometimes alcohol.  Thank goodness I never turned to any harsher substances or drugs but I know lots of people that struggle with that during a divorce. 
  • I turned slowly toward physical fitness.  I joined a gym and started to use the stair stepper and weights.  I would take my daughter with me because they had a childcare set up where I think I would pay maybe a $1.50 for a couple of hours.  She was around 2 at the time.  She enjoyed it for the most part until she got a bit older. 
  • I remember the first time at the gym pretty vividly.  An employee said she would take me around all the weights and help me get a good workout in.  Well since I had never really worked out before, that morning I thought I would eat a hearty breakfast to make sure I had enough energy for the workout. 
  • Unfortunately, about half way through the workout, I got sick in the locker room.  I won’t go into details but let’s just say I gave one of the employees a mess to clean up.  Needless to say feeling massively embarrassed I decided I had better end the workout.  I apologized to the worker that was helping me and she actually apologized to me for working me too hard. 
  • I decided though after the dust settled from the workout that I had to make this part of my routine.  This eventually is what led to my love of running.  I started out just running one mile, then two, then three.  For many many years like maybe 15, I would run no more than 3.  Then eventually I joined a team to run a 10k race (which is just over 6 miles), that led to a half marathon then to a full marathon. 
  • However running to me has been much more than about my physical health.  It was about my mental and emotional health.  When I was going through my divorce it was an extremely tough time for me emotionally.  I lost my mom to a stroke about 5 years before and so I think I was prone to go down rabbit holes mentally. 
  • Running helped me in several ways. 
    • Reduced my depression
    • Reduced my anxiety
    • Helped me concentrate
    • Ability to dream about the future
    • Organize my thoughts
    • Get much needed sunlight and Vitamin D which is important for mood
    • Increased my self confidence and self esteem
  • This issue with physical fitness is that sometimes you do have to force yourself in the short term to do this knowing that the longterm benefits will outweight the short term.  When I would go for a morning run, I would notice I had more clarity in my thoughts and I felt better both physically and emotionally. 
  • Obviously consult a physician before you start any physical fitness program, but I highly encourage you to start.  Here are some ideas:
    • Join a gym.  For me it was a motivation to go because I was paying for it, however some will join and stop going.  You will need to ask yourself what motivates you.  However if a gym is an option, there is so much to do there like running and walking on treadmills, weights of all sorts, stretching areas, and many other things to do depending on the gym. 
    • Go for a walk or run outside.  There is nothing like getting some sunshine while listening to the birds and all the sounds in nature.
    • Find a workout program on DVD on through the computer that suits the level of fitness that you are at what you would like to achieve.  Make sure you are working just a bit harder to push yourself.  Nothing too hard and nothing too easy.
    • If you are in a relationship currently, make a commitment to each other to find something to do together.
    • You can involve the family.  Maybe the adults will walk and run while the kids ride bikes and the little ones are pushed in strollers.  This one is not easy because everyone is at their own pace so find what works for you. 
  • Just know that ensuring you stay physically fit can help you in so many ways get over the pain of a divorce and even help you to deal with an ex-spouse.  It certainly helped me with lots of anger that I had over what was happening and I know it can help you. 


  • None Mentioned Today

Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
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As always remember that marriage is nothing something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.