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The Remarried Life


Oct 9, 2018

Brian Mayer talks about the small stuff.  It’s the little things like developing habits around how each of you like to be greeted after time awhile from each other and how you like to part.  Having conversations around what you like and don’t like is the first step.  Then taking action is the next step to develop good habits around this idea.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • The idea of greetings and goodbyes for couples is an often overlooked subject but so very important. 
  • When I was a child I can think of an instance where a greeting stood out to me.  My grandmother always wanted to greet me with a hug.  Although I tended to squirm especially when I was really young, I do remember having warm feelings of being loved by her.   As I look back this is something that has always been special to me. 
  • The same goes for couples.  We need these small greetings and goodbyes in order to feel good about our relationship. 
  • It is quite interesting the way in which people greet each other around the world.  Here in the United States we often think about a hug and a kiss.  However here are some other ways people connect:
    • In Japan, bowing is a common greeting
    • In Kenya, a dance is done to greet someone new
    • Thailand, people will press their hands together as if in prayer and bow the head
    • In Haiti, men shake other men’s hands while men and women will kiss each other on the cheek
    • Kissing on the cheek between all sexes is very common as a greeting in South and Eastern Europe
  • How do you greet each other after not having seen each other say for the day because of work or what about how does your greeting change when you go longer? 
  • Talk to each other about the greeting, what you like and what you don’t like.  Make changes to accommodate you both if necessary. 
  • What about good-byes.  How are these handled. 
  • Regarding good-byes, I always remember this with my Dad.  I grew up in divorced homes.  My Dad would pick me up every weekend on a Friday evening and would bring me back on a Monday morning.  For most of the time, my mother lived in an apartment and I remember getting out of my Dad’s van, I would walk toward the entrance of the apartment, go in and make sure the door was unlocked to our apartment and then I would come back out and wave my Dad on.  Again another small example at the time that showed me how much he loved and cared for me that he would wait to make sure I was safe.
  • One thing I noticed about my wife and her family is that they have a really neat way they say good-bye to each other.  They will sometimes curl their wrist in kind of a very loose ball and then wave up and down.  I am not completely sure where this came from, but I believe it was a way one of the kids maybe started waving to their parents and that they will do it now even as adults.
  • Heather and I will often blow kisses to each other as if to say make sure you take this with you when you leave.  And as sort of cliché and unoriginal as it sounds, we will say “I love you” upon departing. 
  • With these habits once you begin doing them, you will notice rather quickly if you miss them.  If for some reason I forget to say I love you then I will generally text later and say I forgot to tell you that I love you so I wanted to make sure you knew. 
  • Just as with greetings, how do you typically handle good-byes as a couple?
  • Have a discussion with each other around how you want to part for the day.  What feels good and what doesn’t?  Work on implementing a change together. 
  • Remember it is the small stuff often that will send your relationship on a path that is good. 
  • What better way to celebrate the small stuff that to look back at the Bible.  Most of you know the story of David, the skinny shephard boy who would ultimately be King.  In 1 Samuel 17:40, “Then he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones from the brook and put them in his shepherd’s pouch.  His sling was in his hand, and he approached the Philistine.” 
    • Ultimately as we know David was little more than a boy when he struck down Goliath. 
    • The Bible says that Goliath was over 9 feet tall. 
    • But again it took a small boy and a small stone to take him down. 
  • What small things regarding your greetings and goodbyes can you implement to tear down any walls you might have between you?

Resources:

  • None Mentioned.

Thanks For Listening!

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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.