Dec 4, 2018
Brian Mayer talks about how you are in this remarriage and
blended family situation and no matter what you say or do, you feel
like nothing works. What does this mean? How do you
handle this? How should you move forward? We will
tackle all this and more on today’s episode. We hope you are
inspired by what you hear today. For more information and
additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- Remarriage and Blended Family situations are among the most
tough situations you will ever face in life. This is not like
hammering a nail into a piece of wood, cleaning dirty dishes, or
putting a bandage on a paper cut. This is much more
complicated than that and it is more complicated because it
involves lots of people of all ages with different feelings,
motivations, and agendas.
- Remember the Rubik’s cube? The 6 sided cube with 9 little
squares of each side of different colors. The object was to
get every side to be uniform with it’s own color. This was
something I could never figure out and despite my best efforts was
consistently foiled in my attempts to succeed at this puzzle.
I got my first cube back in the 1980’s and unfortunately I have to
say that decades later I have never been successful in solving
- The same can be said for lots of us when it comes to blended
families. You may never feel like you have fully solved this
puzzle. This can be so extremely defeating that you could in
fact feel like giving up. No matter what you say, what you
do, what you try you feel like nothing works.
- You have listened to all my podcast episodes, you’ve listened
to other podcast episodes, you have read books, you’ve reached out
to others in similar situations, you’ve prayed and you see that it
is not changing.
- So what do you do now? I am going to offer you some
suggestions and these suggestions are more about taking care of
yourself through this situation. Today is not about giving
more advice on what to do differently or what to “try” to do to get
others and the situation to change.
- Here again is what I want you to do today:
- Know that you are completely normal for
what you are going through. As I have mentioned, research
says that it can take 5-7 years for a blended family to begin
operating closely to what a nuclear biological type family would
operate and then there are a large percentage that may never get to
this. Is this because anyone is doing something wrong?
Often times the answer is “No.”
- Breathe and rest easy (easy for me to say I
know!) knowing you giving it your best shot as a biological parent
and as a step parent. You know what to do and yes while you
might have differences of opinions with your spouse and the kids
regarding what is right, just know that what you think and feel are
- Pray. This one is tough because you
might say look I pray all the time every day and things just don’t
change. I cannot deny that this is probably true. What
I would say is change how and what you pray about. Make your
prayers to God one in which you are focusing on the time spent with
Him and that you are simply looking to get closer to Him and not
that you are focused on a laundry list of needs or wants.
Just think about a friend you might go visit. If your visits
were all about what you needed and nothing else, pretty soon your
friend might not be so accommodating and possibly feeling like the
relationship is one sided.
- Positive Self Talk. Pay more attention
to the conversations you are having with yourself in your
mind. If you are like me, you will often discover that you
might be beating yourself up. You might focus more on the
things you are doing wrong versus the things you are doing
right. Or maybe you are personalizing those negative things
you’ve done to define your character or who you are. The
things that have resulted or things you have done do not define
- Take care of yourself. Go do something
on your own or maybe buy yourself something. Of course be
careful and don’t try to find happiness in other things, but from
time to time we all need breaks and to do things for
ourselves. You definitely deserve it for all that you have
been through in trying to hold this blended family thing
together. Maybe a flavored coffee or a massage might be in
order for today!
- Is this going to solve everything? Of course not.
But that is not the goal here with what we are talking about.
It is more about taking care of yourself through some of the pain
and difficulty of being married to a second, third, or spouse
beyond and trying to raise kids from different backgrounds and
- The goal today is to be a bit selfish. Not in a mean and
demeaning way to the rest of the family, but it is more about being
kind to yourself.
Thanks For Listening!
- With so many things that take time in our lives, I more
grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast
- If you liked this episode and believe that it would be
beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.