Feb 12, 2019
Brian Mayer talks about the very common thought of wanting throw
in the proverbial towel on another marriage and the blended
family. There are lots of reasons that the next time around
we have thoughts of moving on even though we went through so much
pain the time before. In fact sometimes it feels like it
could be easier to move on again since it happened once
before. We will talk about this issue and how to work through
it. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For
more information and additional resources please visit our website
- Wanting to give up can be a common issue if you are a human
being. If you have gone through a divorce like most of us, it
can be an even more common issue.
- There may not be much we can do to prevent this type of thought
entering into our mind, but the more important thing is what we do
with that thought. Do we continue to dwell on it, do we look
to take some action to propel us toward giving up, or do we accept
it as a natural or normal part of life but at the same time take
actions to repel away from this thought. Let’s talk more
about this issue.
- Let’s start by talking about famous people who were presented
with events that most people would understand if they wanted to
give up but they did not.
- The author of the Harry Potter series, JK Rowling was turned
down by 12 publishers. As of this recording, over half a
billion books have been sold.
- Between 1878 and 1880, Thomas Edison and his team tested well
over 3,000 designs for lightbulbs before landing on one that
- Henry Ford failed twice at developing an automotive company and
even went bankrupt losing investors money probably the equivalent
of millions of dollars today. Somehow the third was a charm
and the start of the Ford Motor Company.
- Imagine had these people given up on their dreams.
- You have had moments I am sure where you have tried and tried
to make the new marriage work. You have tried to enter into
parenting the stepkids. You have tried to be united with your
spouse regarding how to parent all the kids. You have tried
to be friendly with your ex-spouse. You have tried to be
friendly with your spouse’s ex-spouse. You have tried to make
the relationship with your new spouse’s parents family. Maybe
one or more of these areas aren’t working.
- So it is no wonder you may have had feelings of wanting to give
up. Let’s explore why feelings of wanting to give up
especially for us who have dealt with this issue in the
- One or both of you in your past relationship made the decision
to give up. Since it happened once before, it sort of broke
the ice on this subject maybe in a bad way to open you up to the
idea of it.
- You made it through the recovery from giving up on a past
relationship. In other words as painful as it was you came
out on the other end and realize that if you got through it once
you can get through it again.
- The kids not blending and not listened to you as an authority
figure can certainly lead to feeling of wanting to give
- You thought you chose your new partner with more of your head
than your heart, but different issues have arisen and it becomes
maybe even more perplexing than the end of your first
- You thought that you had been through enough pain for a
lifetime in your previous marriage that you may have gone into the
new relationship figuring that this type of pain and hurt would
ever happen again. When it does even to a small degree, it
can feel overwhelming
- Now that we have talked about reasons that giving up thoughts
might happen, lets talk about ways to work to lessen the power this
may have over you.
- Work to compartmentalize the issues as best you can. This
means dealing with each issue as it comes and to not let things
- Work on the concept of forgiveness. This means offering
and accepting forgiveness often. Practice this with each
other and with the kids.
- Weigh out the positives against the negatives. Often we
get flooded with all that we see that is negative that we forget
about what is positive.
- If thoughts of wanting to give up come in the immediate
aftermath of a conflict, work to calm yourself down and see if the
thoughts continue. Often they will not.
- Discuss with your spouse these thoughts and ask if your spouse
has these as well. Chances are good that you probably have
had these. Of course coming at this from a place of wanting
to work on things in spite of the thoughts can help.
- We hope you find today’s episode to be helpful in understanding
how common these thoughts are and what you can do to slow or stop
this from getting a strong hold of you.
None Mentioned Today.
Thanks For Listening!
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.