Mar 5, 2019
Brian Mayer talks about the difficult process of integrating
into a family from the perspective of the new stepmom. There
are a lot of missteps that new stepmoms make and we will discuss
those and how to approach these new and delicate situations so that
everyone can have the best experience possible. We hope you
are inspired by today’s message. For more information and
additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- You might remember if you have been listening to the podcast
for any length of time that back in session 52 we
talked about steps to help new stepdads. While that was
several months ago, we want to make sure we give equal time to new
stepmoms because your process can be just as difficult but in
different ways to be sure.
- As a new stepmom, you are generally juggling being mom,
stepmom, wife, employee, business owner, and ceo of the
household just to name a few. Talk about amped up anxiety in
trying to get all of this right! It is not easy. So
with that let’s talk about some common missteps that stepmoms might
make during the initial parts of the journey.
- Making Changes too Quickly. Remember
that the kids had a certain lifestyle and ways of doing things that
when changes happen to quickly that it can make the journey more
bumpy. Consider that most new managers and CEOs in new
positions and new companies are advised to just take it all in for
at least the first 90 days.
- Parenting Too Quickly. This issue is
both the same for the new stepdad and new stepmom. If you
attempt to discipline too quickly, it can often backfire by
creating more resentment in your spouse and the kids. Also
most importantly when it does not go well, it is going to create
animosity and some anger within you.
- Allowing the Children to Step On You.
You might be wondering about this one being in direct contrast to
the point above. And it is not necessarily. The point
above about not parenting too quickly refers more to being
proactive with discipline and rigid rules etc. This point
refers more to not being walked all over. Make sure you stand
you ground when kids are rude to you, obviously doing it in a
sensible way is important.
- Not Prioritizing Everyone’s Time. You
should be mindful of the time that all the kids need with each
other, need with you and need with your spouse. When you
integrate large families with lots of kids it is easy for the time
dynamics to shift and for someone to feel left out with the amount
of time they spend with another family member. What is the
easiest way to fix this issue? Just ask each family member if
they are getting the time they need.
- Getting Upset When You See that Your Stepkids Favor
Your Spouse. Unfotunately this is going to
happen. And there may be nothing you can do about this
one. As much as you would like to see things being equal
between the two of you just remember to pay attention your own
thoughts and feelings regarding this. If you find yourself
getting bitter and resentful just ask yourself why this is
- Talking Badly About Your Spouses
Ex-Spouse. This will be on the quickest ways to
alienate yourself to your spouse or your stepkids. Remember
that your spouse may feel somewhat caught in the middle regarding
needing to make sure everyone is working as a team. If you
are consistently going against your spouse on trying to keep the
peace with the other parent then just realize you are going to hit
- Not Prioritizing Your Time With Your
Spouse. I am saving this one for last because I do
believe it is the most important one. This
one is very common. With everything going on it can become
easy to let the relationship with each other slip. This is
where you can let little things like other family members drive a
wedge in between the two of you.
- Think about these things we talked about today and while I am
not saying you have to completely eliminate them, just become more
aware of them in your daily life. Working to change many of
these issues should help to some degree your family blend together
a bit better. And it can help with your mental health as
Thanks For Listening!
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.