Mar 19, 2019
Brian Mayer mostly focuses on information, tips, research,
books, and studies to help you in your remarriage journey.
Today he focuses on some mess ups in his own marriage that he is
somewhat embarrassed to admit but hopefully will help you in your
remarried life journey. With a deep breath we hope you enjoy
today’s message. For more information and additional
resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
- After moving past a previous marriage, we hope that we can get
closer to perfect with that next marriage. We all have a more
realistic view of life knowing that things don’t always turn out
the way we want, but we certainly have a hope that they
- Today I am going to focus on these issues, but I am going to
spotlight myself. This episode is especially hard to do
because I am human and I would like to always put my best foot
forward when it comes to my image with others. But I think
showing you how real I am will hopefully help you to know that you
don’t have to be perfect and if you aren’t that ultimately it will
be okay. You are going to continue to mess up and not get it
- So here goes, let’s talk about the X things that I find most
embarrassing in my remarried life journey.
- At this point, I been married to my wife for about 14 years and
I hate to admit that a couple of years in we had an
argument so bad that I uttered the question, “Do you want a
divorce?” Wow talk about the most terrible feeling
in the world. I have had lots of self talk about that one,
and I made the decision to never say those words again and
fortunately I have stuck to that.
- During some difficult times parenting my daughter, there we
times where I sided with my daughter. I am
certainly not proud of these moments and in looking back I did feel
caught in the middle for sure. However, it came at a time
where I made assumptions that my wife (my daughter’s stepmom) must
have been talking in a way that I didn’t agree with (even though I
later discovered this not to be true).
- I once got so angry about my daughter not
talking or sharing what was going on that I yelled at
her at the top of my lungs. Again I felt caught in
the middle because my wife was telling me I needed to be harder on
my daughter for the things she was saying and doing, and I had
moments where I flipped back and forth on my feelings on
this. And one of my problems is that I will hold things in
sometimes, just hoping that others will get it and do their part
and when that does not happen I blow my lid. This is one part
of my life that I have worked hard to overcome and something I am
getting better at and certainly not proud of.
- I let bitterness and resentment build up in my toward
the actions my daughter was taking about not wanting to live with
us anymore. I remember putting up an emotional wall
and making decisions not to engage with or talk to her as much as I
used to. I suppose this was a defense mechanism because I was
tired of getting hurt.
- This isn’t necessarily something I am embarrassed about but at
some point my wife and I sought out help from some fellow
marriage mentors at our church to talk about our parenting issues
and differences. Of course, I wish we could have
figured it out on our own but we needed help. At the time
this was really hard to want to admit especially since we were
marriage mentors ourselves. But nevertheless sometimes I have
to admit when I need help and that was one time I needed it.
- Not working early on in the marriage to set a plan for
parenting and expectations early. This was a lot of
the cause of the stress early on. So I embarrassed to say
that I didn’t learn from the first marriage as much as I should
have about making more solid plans to be a team on the
issues. Instead of I subconsciously made the decision to
meander again through a marriage and sure enough it hit major rough
16: My 3 Mistakes After Divorce
64: My Depression and My Divorce
Thanks For Listening!
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it
is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are
binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in
about a minute! Take care.