Feb 18, 2020
- We devote many episodes of this podcast to our own thinking,
feeling, actions. Why do we do this? Because it is the
only thing sometimes that we are able to control.
- I mean think about your spouse, your biological children, and
your stepchildren. They all have different things going on,
different things they have experienced during the day and are going
to react often in ways that are completely different from one
- This honestly is so completely difficult to handle and change
that often we end throwing our hands in the air, getting angry or
even worse want to just throw in the towel completely.
- So you are probably wondering what I am saying here? I am
saying turn a blind eye to what is happening, don’t hold anyone to
any consequences for their behavior. No of course I am not
saying that, but I am saying to watch for a few things in
- Because to circle back around again, we can only control the
way we think, feel, and behave.
- Let’s talk about a few things you should focus on to help you
change how you view what is going on in your blended family
- Get in touch with your mood to start
with. Have you had a tough day with others or at
work? Knowing and understanding where you are starting from
can certainly help guide where you are entering into any given
- When you see a stepchild for example act or say something,
think first what have they been dealing with
- Then ask what have they been dealing with for a
- Next I want you to think about a defense mechanism called
“Displacement.” Displacement is this idea of taking
out anger on something or someone we feel safer to do
so. Often anger unleashed on a stepparent for
example by a stepchild is done because of the situation or someone
else in their life that is upsetting. For example the
stepchild could be taking anger out on you because of the divorce
of his own parents.
- Do you view kids as manipulators or as simply
responding to the world around them in the only way they know
how? In order words do you believe at the core they
are motivated to really sabotage you or again or they lashing out
because of what situation they are in?
- The bottomline is this. We need to take some breaths and
pause before we react in anger at situations that may either drive
as to want to figuratively fight our way in or may make us want to
flee the situation and even maybe the relationship as a
This is a really simple and short episode today, but
nevertheless a powerful one to think about to hopefully change how
you feel about the situations with kids and your spouse that come
up from time to time.