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The Remarried Life

Jun 22, 2021

Brian Mayer is excited to take about 10 episodes of the podcast to talk about communication.  It is probably the most talked about issue that couples have together that can sometimes not work well.  We will take some time to dive into this topic to help give you better tools to work on and things to consider to help communication between you and your spouse be more effective and more loving.  We hope you are inspired by today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at

Today's Goodies

  • Today we are talking about triggers. And before you think it is a discussion about parts of a pistol let me assure you that is not a topic we dive into on this podcast. 
  • We are talking about emotional triggers. Emotions can often times get unleashed if something in the present moment happens to us that our brain thinks is similar to something that has happened in our past. 
  • Most of we can really get triggered when we have experienced past traumas. What do we mean when we say traumas?  These can be things like physical abuse, emotional abuse or sexual abuse. 
  • They can be things like sudden and unexpectedly death of a loved one.
  • A trauma can come from other types of violence or accidents as well.
  • Traumas can also be the opposite of this as well. A trauma can occur if we have been abandoned or neglected. 
  • A emotional trauma can happen if a romantic partner has an affair.   
  • Another thing about traumas is that especially those that center around violence or abuse can happen whether we experience it ourselves or witness someone else experiencing it.
  • Unfortunately all of these things can fire up our emotions often when they are not necessary.
  • For example, say we have been cheated on in our past. Well if our spouse comes home late 15 minutes without letting you know could stir up feelings of being abandoned.  Often we might unleash our unhappiness on someone who has done nothing wrong. 
  • Now of course can we say with 100% certainty that something happening in the present is nothing like what happened in the past? Of course not.  But there is a higher likelihood that things that have happened in our past may be coloring our belief in what is happening in the present. 
  • Emotional triggers can obviously cause problems in our present relationship if we are not careful. So what do we do about them? 
  • Here are some things to remember when dealing with emotional triggers:
    • Take each situation in life as separate. Realize that factors surrounding every situation are never identical. 
    • Question your initial thoughts. Say to yourself is there another possible reason for why this is happening?  
    • Tell your partner about your past traumas. Sometimes just getting it out to the person you love can help.  Putting things into the light makes it more difficult than when issues stay in the dark. 
    • Seek counseling if the traumas from the past are deep. Sometimes it may take awhile to work on these issues by processing them with a professional. 
    • Is there a fear that is driving the issue? And once you identify there may be a fear, then ask what is the likelihood that what I fear will happen? 
    • Ask what is the worst thing that could happen if I left this go? Will you die?  Will you be homeless?  Will you have nothing to eat?  Will you be alone?  The answer most likely to these very drastic questions will usually be “No.”  Unfortunately our brains usually take us to these places when we get triggered. 
  • These are just a few ways that you can work to reduce the impact that your past has had and that will make for less turmoil and tension for you and your partner.
  • Unltimately this can of course help your communication flow more easily and gently.
  • Stay tuned for more communication series episodes in the next several weeks.


  • None Mentioned


Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.